It is often following our highest peak, when our lives will begin the downward spiral into the dreaded rock bottom. This is part of the natural up-and-down cycles of people in today's society. Many times, this happens to a person over the course of a few months, weeks, maybe even days, if things are just really shitty. Well, for me, things went south over the course of fifteen minutes. That's right. fifteen fucking minutes. Let me explain:
Last night, December 31st, 2013, I had hosted a party at my house to ring in the new year. It was going to be awesome; booze, music, fancy clothes, a solid girl-to-guy ratio, the whole nine yards. I'm 19 and still living with my parents, so obviously I had to see if it was all cool with them. It was. Once I got the OK, this bitch was in the bag. I told my boss I couldn't work New Year's Eve as well as New Year's Day. In the weeks leading up to the event, I had envisioned the perfect scenario. Everyone would be having a great time, I'd be walking around in well-fitting clothes, bottle of Jack Daniel's in hand, talking up a storm, and listening to good music. I'd be kicking it with the guys, flirting with the girls, and doing my best to properly host and satisfy a large group of young and spry college students who were home for winter break. I would make a cheesy tweet about the future once the clock struck midnight.
You'd be happy to know that that is exactly how the party had went... for the most part. Everything was going well. Nobody (who intended to drink) was without a drink. The music was enjoyable, and everyone was perfectly satisfied. My boy who goes to school in Florida had come to the party, and he brought, along with his girl, a lovely young lady whom he attends his university with. We are all from Connecticut, and she was from Massachusetts. Perfect, a new pretty face to add a little bit of freshness to the scenery. She was a very nice girl and I was soon very glad to have her there. Earlier in the night, I was talking to her here and there. My boy from Florida, who had brought her, was also putting in a good word for me. Obviously I found her attractive. I had just barely put a dent into my bottle of whiskey, so I thought that I was at a relatively good pace. That was all about to change.
Another friend of mine, who is one of the biggest potheads I've ever known, brought weed brownies to the party. I didn't know he had them in my house because I thought he was going to keep them in his car in case anybody wanted to buy them. Well, this guy unsurprisingly disobeyed my "no weed in the house" rule, and brought them in. But at the moment I noticed that he had them on him, he did the unthinkable: he offered me as many as I wanted... for free. He was just handing them out. Now I had never eaten a pot brownie before, so I only took one. I am no fool. But, what I didn't know, was that apparently shoving the whole fucking brownie into your mouth at once has a dramatically different effect than nibbling on it. After I put the fucking thing to my face, I made sure I took precaution; I had given my bottle of Jack to someone so I didn't drink anymore and get too obliterated. I was told to wait an hour for the effects to kick in. Awesome. Great. Wonderful. Let's do it.
Another thing I hadn't considered at all was the combination of substances I was putting into my poor body. This brownie was not premeditated. I did not intend on getting high tonight. So a while before I had eaten the brownie, I smoked a couple cigarettes. So after eating the brownie, I had alcohol, tobacco, and a lot of fucking THC in my system. I have not eaten all day. So Florida guy comes up to me and basically says that I should try to hook up with his friend from school. He literally gave me the green light and said she was into it. Fuck yeah. This was awesome, because I have been in a dry spell since my ex broke up with me back in September. I haven't even kissed a girl in about 4 months. So fast forward to when the high finally kicked in. I was talking to the Massachusetts girl and she seemed pretty interested. I was on fucking cloud 9, talking to a good-looking girl who apparently wanted it. I was the one running the show at my party, and was dressed in kick-ass clothes. I was the fucking Alpha Male of this night.
So, before making my move, I decided to sit down to gather myself. Some of the guests had started playing GTA 5 in the room, so I was watching that while sitting. They all started laughing hysterically at the TV, so I looked at what they could be laughing at. And I don't know why, but something about watching a dude in a banana hammock bang a hooker over a patio table gave me the spins like no one's business. Next thing I know, my face is in the garbage can, and I'm dry heaving uncontrollably for the next hour and a half. I tried to ride it out and wait to sober up so I could pick up where I left off with this girl, but it seemed like an eternity. Then came the time to watch the ball drop. Listening to everyone count down made me nauseous and want to die, but I was finally able to lift my head to see the countdown hit 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and welcome the new year. While everyone cheered, I made an inhuman noise that seemed to convey excitement, and promptly put my face back into the garbage. No cheesy tweets there. Shortly after, I was walked to my room by my mother, where I passed the fuck out. At around 4:00 in the morning, I woke up. Noticing my phone was nowhere to be found, I got up, apparently still high because my feet almost gave out when they touched the floor. I hobbled my way downstairs to find everyone sleeping. However, my would-be lady friend for the night was still up, along with a few other people. She saw me, smiled and said "Oh, look who's alive!" I don't remember much else of the conversation. I woke up again the next morning, made my way downstairs, and everyone seemed to look surprised that I was still breathing. After bidding everyone a farewell, with the house empty again, I approached my parents. They laughed and said they thought the party went well. Fucking cool, Mom and Dad.
So there it is. On this New Years, I got cockblocked by weed brownies, and spent the last minutes of 2013 and first minutes of 2014 face-first in a garbage can. Not exactly how I had envisioned it. But hey, everything was still under control, everyone said they had a great time, and at least I got to see the turn of the year, even if it was from the bottom of a barf bucket. Have a great 2014, everyone. -- Woody
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